Lloyd on target in Madejski staff exhibition match

Why on earth the PA team were called into action for the Reading FC staff match is quite a debatable point. The Producer however had the appropriate answer. On an evening when a dream came true, 22 players stepped onto the hallowed Madejski turf for a match that had as much entertainment and fire as anything ever served up by the first team.

Brilliant blue skies heralded the beginning of this encounter and by the finish the awesome feel of the floodlights had created an equally serene setting. The two teams sported Reading kits. Blue and white of course and maroon too. The kits being from the glorious 2001/2002 season.

I stood on the sidelines early in the match and had a bizarre feeling about the match. I didn't want to play at first. All those who started were pretty decent looking players. Then there was me. My football record in 11-a-side is quite lamentable. An appearance in the Reading Sunday league ended with me conceding 3 goals - yes I was in goal - and damaging my shoulder to such an extent I had to be stretchered off the pitch. Since then I have stuck to 5-a-side. All these thoughts motored through my head as I watched the opening exchanges of the game. Then the amazing happened - the Producer, Adam Lloyd, got his call and was on.

A steady performance from him, nothing flash, just solid, safe and thoughtful play, unlike yours truly. When I was called to join the fray my nerves soon dispersed and I decided to run around the front pulling defenders all over the place, but not getting the ball. In fact, I don't recall getting the ball that often, that is until the start of the second half. Clean through heading for goal, I didn't panic. It was time for Croucher to show the Madejski what it has been missing. With the scent of glory in my nostrils, I was suddenly hit from nowhere. Crash! I hit the deck like a punch-drunk boxer and bounced for good measure. What a sight that must have been! It must have been comparable to watching an elephant perform on a trampoline. The tackle was as clean as a whistle. It was the sheer force of it that did me. I gingerly clambered to my feet. At first winded, I believed I could run this off. When I tried to do that - two steps later - I realised I was in pain in my lower back. I leant against the East Stand advertising hoarding and tried to regain some focus. I was substituted and slowly walked round the edge of the pitch back to the dugouts.

Now stood in the technical area, I took up the shouting and prowling role of a manager. What a feeling that was! Despite my lack of mobility, I was determined to stay to the end and maybe even get back on. Meanwhile, the Producer was about to embark on his finest Madejski Stadium moment of all. Forget all his antics on the scoreboard or his ropey attempts to use the microphone; this was one to eclipse everything that BTB have ever done.

A cross ball looked as though it was cleared, it was fed back to the left side and then a low cross goal ball was hammered in low at the near post by none other than Adam Lloyd. I must confess to jumping up and cheering, despite Lloyd being on my opponent's team. It was a crisp, clever, low drive and the goalkeeper had little chance of blocking it. Lloyd's celebrations were hardly in keeping with his namesake Mr Owusu, but I suspect that was down to his sense of surprise a bit like me when I was tackled. This really was fairytale time. What a pity there were no fans there to witness it. Lloyd did make a point of signalling to me on his goal. I was happy for him until I realised that we will never hear the end of this. Still I would be the same, probably worse!

In truth there were some excellent players on show and I for one felt that BTB held their own. The Producer's goal is evidence enough to support that assertion. Andy West, Royals’ media guru, flashed in a spectacular scissor-kick volley early in the game that brought gasps from the crowd of just over 10. Also on show were the rest of RFC’s media team with Craig Mortimer proving that it’s not just the football that counts, but the colour of your boots! While Marc Paydon performed heroics between the sticks, pulling off some world-class saves in black jersey once donned by Phil Whitehead. And of course Boyd Butler, bringing a calming influence to the rest of the team and then almost emulating his namesake, ex-Royal and now Rotherham striker Martin, with a powerful shot but was denied by keeper.

The amount of good players at this level proved to me how high the standards must be for the professional game. I asked if any of the players had had trials and a couple had but were deemed not good enough. Bloody hell what must it be like for those who did make it. Having said that, my own level is one that is hardly on the significant side.

One final footnote to leave you with though. The ball used was the one used when Australia played Jamaica at the Madejski Stadium in September 2003. Marco Bresciano, Kevin Lisbie and Harry Kewell all got goals in that match - a 2-1 victory to the Socceroos. I am reluctant to make the following statement but will. Does this mean Adam Lloyd, The Producer is on the same level as Harry Kewell? And if it does could he have saved Mr Houiller? I’ll let you decide.

P.S. The Maroons won 8-5 after extra time, some shocking decisions by the referee and no more Lloyd goals.

By Stuart Croucher